My Journey into & about Motherhood

The Past 9 Months.......

2011-10-02T12:12:00.007-04:00

So, I have not been able to make time to blog about this pregnancy--between working from home and chasing around a toddler--blogging was at the bottom of my list! I wanted to catch up and also to have a record of this pregnancy--I figured now that I am on bedrestI have plenty of time to catch up on the bloggy world!

March 2011: Around 8 weeks I had a lot of bleeding and thought I was having a miscarriage, several days of "more than spotting" I was able to get an ultrasound. The little one was still in there and growing. Looking back this was alsoabout the time I stopped the PIO shots, so I am wondering if that caused my bleeding.

The nausea kick

ed into full gear and I found myself actually throwing up most days and feeling pretty miserable. However, I was able to eat/actually I was starving all the time!

April 2011: We went in for

our routine 1st Trimester Ultrasound (we did this with Andrew) and the baby looked great and actually looked like a baby. I had been having some sharp shooting pain on my right side but figured it was growing pains! However, we discovered I had a very large right ovar

ian cyst (about the size of a ba

seball--at this point it was bigger than my uterus). The doctor reassured me that most of this quit growing by 14 weeks but if it doesn't we may have to have surgery--unti

l then we will just monitor the growth.

Feeling beyond Exhausted all the time--still waiting for that 2nd trimester energy spurt to kick in!

May 2011: Saw a different doctor in the practice who wanted to change my due date back to the original--based on conception. So, October 24, 2011 is the new EDD. Also, went in for the anatomy scan and we found out it was a BOY! W

e were beyond excited and I really wanted another boy--since the kids will be so close together. Now they can share a room one day, plus we don't need to buy anything because we have EVERYTHING! Also, the ovarian cyst started shrinking--yay for no

surgery! However, they were unable to clear the heart during the anatomy scan, so we were scheduled for an Echocardiogram in June. Let the anxiety begin!

Still feeling EXHAUSTED and my son, Andrew's school gets out for summer in June. How will we ever manage? I was still sleeping all the time and napping every afternoon. Waiting patiently for that energy to kick in!

June 2011: Had a fantastic vacation in Hilton Head Island with all the cousins, Andrew had a ball. I finally starting to feel less exhausted, however I was tired all the time due to chasing a toddler around all day. Remind me never to be pregnant during the summer. It is also already 100+ degrees each day and it is only June. At the end of June we went in for the Baby Boy #2 Echocardiogram and after another hour long ultrasound--they cleared the Baby's heart. 98% that nothing major is wrong! HOORAY! We were are so blessed!

July 2011: Hanging in there, Hot all the time, and not enjoying being pregnant in 100+ degree weather, can't wait for Fall! Other than being tired this pregnancy is starting to feel normal!

August 2011: I turned 30 and got through the 2nd trimester! Only a few more months, although towards the end of the month I started having lots of Braxton Hicks, especially chasing Andrew around or walking/working out. The doctor did a cervical check and everything looked good--no threat of a pre-term baby!

September 2011: Busy Busy month with Andrew--he headed back to preschool 3 mornings a week. Halleluhah we survived the LONG SUMMER MONTHS! I started to slow down a little bit and began to get all the baby stuff out, nesting was in full force!

At 36w0days (September 26) I found myself up on and off all night with cramps and some contractions and by the morning the contractions were becomming more regular. Also, I started having Bloody Show, so after consulting the doctor we headed into L&D to be monitored. I wasn't thinking it would be the baby--I only dilated to 1cm with Andrew before I actually went into labor and I wasn't thinking this was Labor, just thought I would be sent home saying I was dehydrated. We checked into L&D and I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, they monitored my contractions for two hours and rechecked me--by then I was 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. So, I was admitted to be watched. Being pre-term they would not "help" my labor along but after 34 weeks they don't stop it either. So, we were admitted, IV's were started, since I am GBS+ the penicilin was started. We did get the steriod shots to develop the baby's lungs (at least the first round). I was at the hospital all day, but 7pm that night I was 5cm and almost 100% effaced--not much holding the baby in/water bag in. But by 1am my labor had completely stalled for a few hours and I was no longer progressing--so we were sent home and I was to be checked the next day. (They did an amnio and the baby's lungs were not at all developed yet, he had a level of 9200 out of 35,000!). After several days of on and off contractions, I still had no cervical change--I was put on bedrest to try and give the baby a chance to cook and get the baby's lungs mature.

October 2011: WE MADE IT TO OCTOBER! I am still cooking the baby away and hoping to get to 37/38 weeks! Bedrest to proving to be harder than it sounds, especially with a very active toddler around!

Ultrasound

2011-03-09T14:32:00.002-05:00

We had our second Ultrasound this morning, and Baby Barnes is looking good, Heartbeat is good and the baby is growing! (The Baby is between the two X's in the above picture). Once again, they changed our due date from 10/24 to 10/28. This happened last time with Andrew, I am guessing we just have small babies!

I am learning that no two pregnancies are the same. I have been having lots of cramping and spotting/bleeding this time around. Which is so scary and stressful! However, the baby is great and they did not detect any bleeding in the uterus. Everything look so great that we were released to the OB today. So, next step back to the OB!

One Healthy Heartbeat

2011-02-28T13:04:00.003-05:00

We have ONE healthy baby with a strong heartbeat measuring right around 6 weeks! We are so excited and so in LOVE!
Our official due date is October 24th! We will go back next week for another ultrasound!
YAY for a healthy and strong baby!

And the Dreams Continue.....

2011-02-21T11:03:00.001-05:00

Yes the dreams keep continuing and getting very interesting! Here is a recap of the latest dream:

I walked into what is now our guest room, only it was not our guest room it was the babies room. I went to open the closet and I realized the pea-coats that I ordered had finally arrived. The coats were baby blue and hanging on the back of the closet. I was so excited to have matching coats for the winter season. The buttons were a darker blue and so cute! I turned around to view the rest of the room and it was all blurry, but it did look like there were two cribs in the room. I knew that these coats were not for Andrew, but for two other kids.

So, I am guessing that my sub-conscious is telling me that I am having twins. Maybe two baby boy twins?

Beta Beta Beta

2011-02-16T21:59:00.000-05:00

Yes that is right, my beta more than doubled in 48 hours! Wahoo!

11dp3dt: 165 (11 days past 3 day transfer)
13dp3dt: 398 (13 days past 3 day transfer)

People always mention pregnancy dreams, and I had a few with Andrew that all turned out to be correct. I dreamed that Andrew was a boy when I was only 8 weeks along. So last week I woke up from a crazy dream where my beta was in the 300's! This seemed totally far fetched, as my HCG with Andrew was: 65 and 159; so a number in the 300's seemed really high! Until they called me yesterday! Crazy Crazy Dreams!

My husband is totally convinced that these numbers may mean twins! Ultrasound is scheduled for Feb. 28th, so we will just have to wait and see!

Andrew's Little Secret.....

2011-02-14T10:00:00.003-05:00

Due around the end of October 2011!
We have a good solid Beta Number: 165! 100 points higher than Andrew...wonder what that means?

and then there were TWO

2011-02-07T14:33:00.002-05:00

Yes that is right we now have a total of TWO in the freezer. One from this past cycle and one from our cycle in 2009, both are Day 6 Blasts!

We are so excited that we got one to freeze....hope this cycle keeps on heading in a positive direction!

And It All Begins Again....

2011-02-05T17:13:00.003-05:00

I am starting to feel all those nasty side effects of the Progesterone shots! You know those same feelings that make you think you are pregnant: tired, sensitive stomach/nausea, more bathroom trips!

First let me say, that I am not a napper and the only times I have ever napped was when I was pregnant with Andrew. But bring on the naps now! I slept for 2 hours this afternoon, and it was the best nap ever! I love pregnancy/progesterone induced naps!

Also, I have notice that I am starting to get the waves of nausea throughout the day. This is only the beginning. How did I manage to survive this for weeks? Hopefully this will pass quickly.

Oh and let's not forget the frequent trips to the bathroom, I was up 3 times last night.

I don't remember feeling this way so early last time (I thought it was closer to 6 or 7 days past 3dt) but my husband disagrees. So, i guess 2dp3dt and it all begins again!

2 Babies Cooking Away

2011-02-03T15:12:00.007-05:00

(One Embryo is a perfect Day 3 embryo with 8 cells, the other one is a good Embryo with 6 cells)

We got our 2 Babies back today at 10:30am. We are so excited to have them back safe and sound! The transfer was very routine and easy. One Embryo is a perfect Day 3 embryo with 8 cells, the other one is a good one but only has 6 cells.

Now we are resting up, watching movies and reading books...it is a great day to spend in bed!

I hope that our Babies Stick, so Babies be extra sticky! Hope to see you in 38 weeks!

Transfer Day

2011-02-03T08:22:00.000-05:00

We will get 2 em-babies back today at 10:30am!

Em-baby Stats

2011-02-01T13:57:00.003-05:00

13 eggs were retrieved
10 were mature and they were able to do ICSI
6 fertilized

So, we just wait until our next report on Thursday morning. I am guessing that we will do a Day 3 transfer, so I am preparing for Thursday to be the day but we will know more in 2 days! Hope all 6 continue to divide and grow, grow, grow!

Retrieval Day

2011-01-31T21:30:00.000-05:00

Retrieval Day was great and very easy. They were able to retrieve 13 eggs, more than we were expecting. So, I am not sure if they were all mature. I have had very little/no pain and the surgery/recovery has been so easy this time around!

Before we left the clinic they did inform us that Mr. B's fresh sample was No good. That there was nothing viable, so they would thaw the frozen sample (from 2 years ago) and find some good sperm/viable sperm in that sample. Thank God we froze some 2 years ago! What a lifesaver--but still very sobering to think that there is no longer any good sperm. We are grateful for the 13 eggs from today. Can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring! Fertilize Eggs Fertilize!

Trigger Time

2011-01-29T20:29:00.002-05:00

Yep that's right, tonight is Trigger Time. We went back to the RE this morning and everything looks great. We will have 10-11 follicles that will have a good chance of being mature (all are measuring 20 or 21 today). My uterine lining looks great, 13 and my E2 is looking great. So, I will trigger tonight with Ovidrel at 9:30pm and my Retrieval will be at 9:30am on Monday morning.

Staying Positive

2011-01-28T14:10:00.002-05:00

Yep that's right, we are trying to staying positive here in the Barnes' household. The past two days have had it's ups and downs. My husband, who works for a small start up biotech company as general counsel, found out yesterday morning that they are out of money and can no longer make payroll! So, let the job searching begin! To say the least, between the job news and the hormones running through my body--I had to hold back tears. (We are very fortunate that I have a great job and we have a nice cushion in our savings account, so financially this is just a small setback.)

This morning I went in for my monitoring appointment, and the follies look good. We have 10 of them, 6 on the right and 4 on the left. Most of them are measuring about 18 on the right side but the left is behind, only measuring about 14-15. (More complete data on my IVF Calendar). So, one more night of stims and ganirelix and back to the doctor in the morning. I imagine the Retrieval day will be Monday.

Expectations

2011-01-26T19:25:00.004-05:00

It is amazing what you can convince yourself of by setting expectations. I secretly had expectations this cycle, and this morning those expectations ended...

I had my first monitoring visit this morning and everything looks good. I have about 10 follicles growing (6 on the right & 4 on the left) that are of some size (about 8-10mm with one follicle in lead at 14mm). I had a few other tiny ones hanging around but nothing of note, i doubt they will catch up. Due to the lead follicle, they decided to start my Ganirelex tonight (earlier than I was anticipating). Also, my E2 looked good, at 476 and my uterine lining is 8mm.

Everything looked good to the doctor, I was expecting different results so I was pretty bummed after my appointment this morning. I was hoping that by taking more meds, almost double what I took last time, that I would have 15-20 follicles, instead I have less, ONLY 10. It was such a shock, 10 is still a good number and we will know more on Friday morning, but my expectations were so much higher. I can't believe that in less than 2 years with double the meds my response is still less than before...Crazy what 2 years will do!

7:30 Already?

2011-01-25T19:00:00.004-05:00

We are night 4 of stims, where is the week going? This time around it is all so different, the shots don't seem so big and I barely even feel the needle. I don't have as much time to sit and think about this cycle, and it all seems to be going so quickly...before I know it, it is 7:30 each night!

Saturday night, our first night of stims, was our much needed date night and we had dinner reservations and tickets to see "The Lion King". So, I had to mix all the drugs in the car and shoot up between dinner and the show! Good thing we have good friends to make it all worth a few laughs. As they were there along with us for the ride! And then last night, Monday night, I had to rush home from a work event and mix my meds before I could even think about it, it was already over! It is so nice to fit the shots into my daily life and not have my life revolve around the shots (well as much as possible).

I am headed into the doctor in the morning for our first monitoring visit, hope those follies are growing! Well I know they are, because I can feel my ovaries this time around. I don't remember feeling like this so early on in the cycle. Hope they are doing well and not too many cooking, just enough.

Getting Ready for the Big Stim Night

2011-01-22T13:05:00.001-05:00

Only 2 more Weeks!

2011-01-21T09:02:00.004-05:00

My good friend Sara called me yesterday to inform me that in 2 or so weeks I will be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). Somehow the time is flying by and I can't believe in less than 2 weeks we will have out Retrieval and then the Transfer. Where is the time going these days?

Having a little one and working really fills up my time, and while I do think about this cycle a lot, I just don't have time to sit and contemplate, like last time. I am very excited and very nervous! What if we do end up with 2 or 3 kids under the age of 2 (YIKES/YIPPEE). Call me crazy, but I think it would be a blessing. Hoping this cycle works for us!

Final Results

2011-01-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

The Final Results are in.....we will do try to use the Fresh sample from Mr. B on the day of the retrieval but we do have frozen in storage, which they may have to un-thaw...I say may, almost certain they will use. As a last resort we will do a Harvest that day on Mr. B (we are hoping it doesn't come to that.). Our last Seman Analysis showed that we are still sterile, we have ZERO motile sperm. So, they may find one or two in the Fresh sample but we have about 100,000 motile/viable sperm frozen, so let's hope they can find a good 20 in that sample. But yes, this is it for us. This is most likely our LAST fresh IVF, so let's hope it sticks! Let's also selfishly hope for some frozen em-babies so we have options down the road. I hope I am not asking for too much!

I went in for my baseline ultrasound this morning and everything looks great with me, we have about 8-10 follies on each side and my E2 was 27.6, so I will stop with BCP tomorrow and start the stims on Saturday!

Off to the Races

2011-01-03T14:14:00.002-05:00

Started my BCP's today. Hard to believe I am back here starting this almost 2 years later!

Round 2 & Yet More Bad News

2010-12-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

We met with our RE Doctor to decide when to go back/ whether to do a Fresh or Frozen Cycle in October. We still have one Frozen but in terms of outcome and best possible chance of pregnancy we decided to do yet another Fresh cycle. Mostly we want to possibly of a few children, so hopefully we will have the another one to freeze after this cycle and years down the road if we decide we want another one, we may have that option! At least this was our thinking in October....until our December appointment in which the news got worse....
We have always had MFI problems but our latest S/A revealed that we had nothing! Everything was ZERO Basically, nothing viable any longer. After several conversations, another consult with the urologist--there are still no answers as to "Why". It is just unexplained MFI! Go Figure!
So we are still planning on a Fresh Cycle and we froze some sperm 2 years ago, so we will thaw that sperm and use on this cycle, but this will be the end of the road for us in terms of IVF/ICSI. I am hoping that (1) this Fresh Cycle will work and (2) we will have one to freeze again.
Also, after a lot of discussion, we are upping my meds in hopes to get a few more embryos this time. So we will cross our fingers and pray that this works for us this time!

Project Sibling

2010-10-28T16:29:00.000-04:00

Project Sibling is well underway. Stay Tuned....

The Birth Story: AHB's Arrival

2010-01-16T10:00:00.002-05:00

Andrew Houston Barnes arrived in quite the quick fashion on Thursday, Jan. 14th, 2010 at 10:29am.(My husband and Mom are the one's who were able to actually make it to the birth!) Now let's rewind to a few days before.

On Tuesday, I had my last OB appointment, and the doctor told me that I wouldn't go into labor that week, nothing had really changed. (I had lost my mucous plug the week before, but was still only 1cm. dilated). Also, they measured the baby to be about 6.5 pounds!

Wednesday night after my hubby got home from work, we decided to go to the mall and get dinner and walk around. It has been way to cold to walk outside, so we have been doing nightly laps at the mall all month long! We finally figured out that 8 laps equals a mile and we try to do 2 miles each night. After our nightly walk, we stumbled into Panera (for what would be my last meal) --which was the new "MAC and CHEESE", and I wasn't very hungry. In fact my hubby at a lot of my dinner. We both got home and went to bed, everything seemed to be just another normal night....

About 1:30am I woke up to a few mild contractions and got out of bed, walked around, figured it was just annoying Braxton Hicks and went back to sleep. Yes, I was able to go back to sleep--so I figured it was nothing. About 3:00am I woke up to more contractions, still mild and went to the bathroom to pee. I noticed a little dampness in my undies but nothing to be concerned over. But the contractions were a little bothersome so I decided to take a bath, hoping to take the edge off and then go back to sleep. But the baby had other plans. By about 3:45am the contractions were a lot stronger and I was barely able to stand up straight or walk around during them. I finally decided it was time to wake up Mr. B!

By 4:00am the car was packed and we were headed to the hospital (about 15-20 minutes away). I was curled up in the backseat in serious pain. I barely remember the car trip. When we got to the hospital I asked the hubby to park in the parking garage and I would walk, figuring this would help with the early labor part. I was figuring that I was still in early labor. So, we would walk a few steps and stop so I could handle the contraction. I was so determined to walk into Labor and Delivery!

We finally entered into L&D, got hooked up to the monitor and saw the doctor. I was having contractions regularly but pretty mild according to the machine! They finally determined that my Water had broken and I would be admitted, but I was only at 1 cm, so this would likely be a very long long labor. We called all the family and told everyone not to hurry, that the baby would most likely come late tonight.

At 6:30am we were admitted into a room, and by 7:00am I was starting to feel pain. I was all checked in, I was given a FABULOUS NURSE, who really let me have the labor and delivery I wanted . Around 7:30am they started the pitocin so I could get the labor really going, however by 8:00am the pitocin was turned off. I barely got any! By 8am I was in real pain, vomiting, crying, really struggling and was adamant to get the epidural. I thought I was a serious whimp! Around 9am, when they checked I was about 5cm. (active labor) and the anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural, which I barely felt. It was tough for him to get right because my contractions were right on top of the other. It took another 45 minutes for them to get rid of my "hot spots" by finally by 9:45am I was feeling a tad bit comfortable. However, I had this incredible urge to "push" and knowing I was only 5cm or so, I was worried that I hadn't learned the right technique. So, I called in the nurse to help me learn a new breathing technique or something. The nurse thought this was very strange and decided to check me and to everyone's surprise I was 10cm and the baby was on it's way!

Everything went very quickly from this point forward, doctor's, nurses etc. rushed in and got things set up. After a few pushes Andrew Houston Barnes was born at 10:29am weighting 5 pounds 14 ounces and 19" long!

Back to Blogging

2010-01-06T14:28:00.002-05:00

I spent today updating the blog...sorry I have neglected it for so long. So, enjoy all the posts from the past 2 months or so!

Finally It's 2010!

2010-01-01T14:18:00.001-05:00

The month of December is always a busy busy month for the Barnes household. We have Houston's birthday to celebrate, holiday festivities, Christmas, our Anniversary, and then New Year's Eve! This entire pregnancy my goal was to make it through our anniversary...selfishly I didn't want to share our precious day. So, we survived and are now excited about 2010 and what this year holds for us! I can't believe this is the year and month we will get to meet our son! So, exciting...Let the countdown begin!

Holiday Photo Session

2009-12-22T11:16:00.013-05:00

Yes we gave in and decided to do a few pictures of my pregnancy. (I am 35 weeks or so in the pictures). I wasn't too thrilled as I don't feel I look my best, but here are the pictures that Houston took with his new camera! I think we both will look back and appreciate these pictures one day!

(Benson...my precious puppy)

Look at that Cute Face!

2009-12-01T14:23:00.000-05:00

(Baby Barnes' at 32 weeks)

I have been measuring right on track for the entire pregnancy and this time I was measuring smaller than I was supposed to, so my doctor did a quick ultrasound. The baby is fine and growing big and strong and passed his Stress Test with flying colors...so nothing to worry about. The doctor guessed that I would have a 7 pounder!

So much to be Thankful For

2009-11-28T11:15:00.002-05:00

(Thanksgiving Picture (32 weeks)--our sweet nephew wanted to be apart of the picture!)

Houston and I were able to spend Thanksgiving in Charleston with his family this year...it was such a relaxing week!

(Relaxing in front of an old fashion fire!)

As we sat and reflected on all the ups and downs of 2009, we feel very grateful for our family and friends and we have so much to look forward to in 2010!

More Adventures from the Nursery

2009-11-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to get the Nursery together now that I have more time.

Here are some updated pictures of the nursery......

Yoga Baby

2009-11-05T10:24:00.008-05:00

After weeks of sitting in a terrible desk chair at work, combined with a 30 minute commute to work...my back starting acting up. I would get horrible backaches and pains from sitting and decided that I couldn't bare it any longer. So, I started looking into yoga and stumbled upon a great pre-natal yoga place about 20 minutes from my house. I started Yoga the same time I left my job to be a Lady of Leisure! So, twice a week I spend an hour and a half doing yoga and LOVE IT!

All of my life I have been the running type, the more you sweat the better the workout was my motto, so Yoga has never really appealed to me. I thought it was slow and boring and well you didn't sweat so how could be a good workout....well that is until I started.

My first two weeks, I was so sore, I could barely do the stretches completely and muscles in my body that I didn't even know I had would be sore for days! Slowly as I did the stretches and invested in a Medicine Ball for the house, my horrible backache started to go away and I have become more flexible...amazing!

Now, I look forward to Monday and Wednesday Yoga classes...what did I ever do before Yoga!

Viability Day

2009-10-30T10:24:00.001-04:00

Today is Viability Day, I am finally 28 weeks! I feel as though I can finally relax a little bit knowing that if the Baby was born today he would have a 90% chance of survival.
However we don't want to meet him until 2010, so hang in there until after the holidays!

Stocking the Baby Library

2009-10-25T10:23:00.000-04:00

What a wonderful Baby Shower! First off let me tell you that I am not a shower person, I never had any parties before my wedding...it just isn't me. However, I decided to give into to my mother and friends who encouraged me to have a shower--my way! So after setting some ground rules, No baby Games...my mom, good friend Sara and my cousin Barbara planned a wonderful shower for me!
Look at all the cute decorations, my cousin Barbara made for the shower. My bedding has Elephants on it, so she made by hand these cute Elephants which are now in the nursery...so cute!

It was wonderful, we had brunch and opened gifts and I was truly touched that people from all over came to the shower. My husband's family drove up from Charleston, my friends from Charlotte and Wilmington also were able to stop by. It was fun catching up with some old friends and getting to celebrate this occasion with them.

Everyone was so generous and I got so much for the baby! I don't think I need to get anything else until the baby is older! Also, I asked for people to help stock the baby's library so I got tons of books to read to the baby. It was fun to hear the stories behind the books everyone picked.

My contribution to my shower was to make the favors, the Elephant Cookies. I loved every minute of making them.
It truly was a wonderful shower and I so thankful that everyone talked me into having one!

100 Days...Let the Countdown Begin

2009-10-14T21:13:00.002-04:00

Only 100 days left! Time really does fly by now...January will be here before we know it.

Baby Drama

2009-10-09T15:00:00.003-04:00

Yes, I have decided that this baby is full of drama! We spent last Friday evening in L & D here at our local hospital. It started with cramps and contractions that after about 3 hours did not subside, so we headed into L & D. They put me in triage and hooked the baby up to a monitor and monitored us for a few hours, after several tests, they determined that I had a bacterial infection and I was put on antibiotics and told to take it easy.

So, for the past week, I have been doing just that...taking it easy! I have cut back my hours of working in the office and I am not pushing myself as hard to do everything. As my sweet husband reminded me, I don't need to work all day, run errands, cook dinner, walk the dog, and clean up around the house--I need to learn to rest more. So, with his help I am learning to slow down and we are keeping our fingers crossed that the baby drama will NOT continue.

Nursery Adventures

2009-09-27T19:52:00.001-04:00

We are in full baby mode! After a week long vacation in Asheville, both us felt very rejuvenated and began preparing for the baby. We have a spare bedroom upstairs ( will be the nursery) that was our "catch all room", meaning everything that did not have a home in our house found it's way to that room. I can't believe all the stuff we have accumlated in the past 3 years, it has been quite the project to find a home for all of it. So, the past few weeks have been filled with organizing and cleaning our home and deciding on the perfect paint color.

We finally picked out the paint, after about 5 trips to Lowe's and numerous paint samples, we went with a very light blue. Mr. B ordered fancy shelving offline and installed them in the closet. The room is small, 10 x 11, so we didn't have enough room for a big dresser, so we decided to put good shelving in the closet instead. We still have a lot to do, the crib, bedding, dresser, changing table etc, but the hardest part: organizing and re-arranging is behind us!

And the best part about starting the nursery is walking past the door every morning. It is so exciting to think that a little baby will be in there in just a few short months!

Babymoon

2009-09-13T19:52:00.010-04:00

We have been planning our Babymoon for a long time...well really a vacation. We haven't gone on a non-work related or family related vacation since our Honeymoon in 2006! We knew once we started IVF that we were going to want to take a vacation--especially before the baby got here. So, we starting planning--we came up with many ideas and eventually landed on a Cruise to New England and Canada. However, once the contractions started and a trip to the ER, we began to think that maybe being out in the ocean wasn't the smartest of plans. After 4 long days of contractions we decided to cancel our cruise, however, we were still going on our Babymoon.
After all we both had taken off the week and we both mentally needed to get away for a while. So, after talking and searching the web, Mr. B, found the Inn at Biltmore in Asheville. It was such a wonderful vacation--very relaxing and just what we needed. I actually think we ended up having a better vacation in Asheville.

Here are some pictures from the trip, which included great food, trip to the Biltmore House, trip to the Grove Park, long walks on the estate, and a Land Rover Driving Experience all over the Western Part of the Biltmore Estate.

(21 weeks)

A Trip to the ER

2009-09-03T10:08:00.003-04:00

After feeling great for a week or so, I found myself in the ER early Wednesday morning. I woke up around 1:45am to what felt like the worst menstrual cramps of my life. After a half hour of walking around and laying in bed, the pain just continued...so it was time to wake up Mr. B!

He jumped out of bed called the doctor and we were sent to the Emergency Room to be evaluated. At our hospital you can't go to L&D until you are 20 weeks, and alas I was 19weeks5days, so we headed to the ER. However, they took us right back and the OB was waiting for me--they measured my cervix and checked me--my cervix was closed and long. After a few hours in the ER, they ruled out Pre-Term Labor and sent me home to rest and drink lots of fluid.

By 7:15am my pain was definite...it has a start, middle, and end and felt like (what I imagine) contractions to feel like. They were about 4 mins apart and after consulting with the OB again, they assurred me that I was not in labor and to continue on bedrest and drink lots of fluids! Dehydration is the most common reason for contractions this early....so I continued to drink, tons and tons of water. By 3pm my contractions were getting fewer, down to every 15 mins or so....I was finally on the road to recovery.

I am feeling much better, exhausted but much better and let's hope that this was all due to dehydration!

Finally Back to Normal

2009-08-31T20:38:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am finally feeling back to "normal" again. I have tons of energy, my headaches have disappeared and I am actually being to look pregnant. It only took me 18 weeks, but finally I feel great and just in time for our vacation.

Anatomy

2009-08-25T15:00:00.001-04:00

We had our anatomy scan yesterday and everything looks great! Our Baby Boy slept through the entire thing...I just hope he will continue to be a good sleeper. Everything looked great...he is definitely a healthy baby boy! He was measuring right on target...so it looks like my Jan. 22nd due date is here to stay.
The only thing that isn't "normal" is my placenta...which looks great but attached in the front--called placenta anterior. Usually your placenta will attach in the back of your uterus and mine is in the front. There is no health risk, but it means that I will not be able to feel the baby very well. The Placenta Anterior explains why I haven't felt the flutters or the baby move yet....he will have to kick me hard and move around a lot before I feel it. We do have a few pictures from the scan, although they are not that good of him, but I will post soon.

(Baby Barnes Spine Above)

(Baby Barnes Foot)

And Here Is the Crib

2009-08-18T11:41:00.006-04:00

(Picture of Crib in the store, ignore the bedding)

Our Crib has been ordered! It is a good thing I was on top of it all because it takes 14 weeks, so we won't pick up our crib until November!

Birthday Surprises

2009-08-17T16:21:00.007-04:00

Last Tuesday, August 11th, was my 28th birthday and what a birthday it was! We got a lot of stuff for the baby and a few things for me. Diaper Bag, Baby clothes--including a Baby Cubs outfit all the way from Chicago, Necklace for good luck, Gift Cards, Wii and Wii Fit (something I have wanted for a very long time). And my favorite Birthday Surprise was finding out the sex of the Baby.

(Profile of Baby Barnes)

That is right, we had an ultrasound done on my birthday, just to find out the sex. And to our surprise it is a BOY! We were very shocked, in fact my husband kept asking are you sure it is not a girl. Since our Egg Retrieval (Day of Conception), my husband has always thought we were having a girl--and the Chinese gender calendar confirmed his thought (it says we are having a girl). So, he was totally shocked, excited, but shocked.

(Baby Barnes Hand and Toes)

(It's A Boy!)

How fun it is to know the sex, it is all feeling very real--and now the fun begins looking for baby blue things!

Yes, I am Impatient

2009-07-27T09:39:00.003-04:00

Yes, I am that impatient that I called the Ultrasound office this morning to re-schedule our Big Ultrasound for a week earlier. Yes, I can't wait another week. So, now we will have the big reveal and know the sex on August 24! Yay, only 28 more days---less than a month!

The Big 3

2009-07-24T20:53:00.000-04:00

The Big 3 have struck: Backaches, Daily Headaches & Hemorrhoids. It seems that I will be getting every pregnancy symptom in the book! Luckily there is a cure for the Hemorrhoids and they are almost gone...thank goodness! As for the Backache and Daily Headaches...I am just learning to cope.

I am hoping that with each coming week my symptoms will get less and less and that miraculously I will get the 2nd trimester Energy Boost everyone seems to brag about!

I am 14 weeks today and am not showing yet, although my clothes are getting snug and my waist is definitely growing. I am in this weird stage where maternity clothes don't fit and my old clothes are getting too tight by the day. I ordered the Bella Band and it looks like it may help me through this awkward stage. I am sure that I will be eating my words later but I really can't wait until I am showing.

Countdown Begins....42 and Counting

2009-07-21T09:31:00.003-04:00

We have a date...YES, an official date of our BIG Ultrasound...September 1st! So only 42 more days until we find out the sex of the baby!

Questions, Questions and More Questions....

2009-07-17T21:19:00.001-04:00

Questions, Questions and More Questions...that was the theme this week at my regular OB appointment. I am officially 13 weeks, and am now in the clear in terms of miscarriage, and thus the open fire of questioning. The nurse who checked my vitals went over several rounds of questions (this was a new nurse): 1) Will you Breastfeed? 2) If you have a boy will you circumsize? 3) Have you picked out a pediatrician? 4) What is your birth plan? 5) Do you know your options during your birth? 6) What form of Birth Control will you use after the baby is born?

Clearly, the nurse has not read my chart. Ummm....I may not know the answers to all the above questions but without doubt I will say NOTHING to Number 6. The nurse turned and looked at me...you sound very certain about your choice, do you actually want me to write down nothing? Yes!

I am always amazed as I know I am in the minority, especially for my age...but it is amazing how little the average medical person knows about IVF and infertility. (I mean, you understand that we spent $10's of thousands of dollars to conceive this child and over 2 years of actually trying/doing failed fertility treatments so.....an "accident" would be a blessing (in more ways than one). Plus I would love the opportunity to prove all those specialists, who told us IVF was our only option, WRONG.) This is not the first time we have encountered this ignorance ...and in the OB field. From the Ultrasound tech, Genetic Counselor to every nurse...Last Day of Menstrual Cycle. Well, we did IVF so our Egg Retrieval Date was April 28. What? I need the Last Day of your Menstrual Cycle.....

I really should carry around a little memo about IVF and hand them to each one, maybe then they would be educated for the next IVF patient.

Results Are In...

2009-07-12T12:43:00.004-04:00

Our NT (Nuchal Fold Test) Results are in, 1/17,000!

The Results are given on a scale, and going into the test they told us that anything under 1/270 they would recommend an amnio, or CVS test. However, many who have a 1/1,000 opt for the secondary testing. So, while we had talked about it-what to do if we needed or thought we needed secondary testing-we hadn't come to any conclusions. But it looks like we don't even have to have that conversation, because 1/17,000--um I will take my chances!

Finally Looks Like a Baby!

2009-07-08T10:25:00.005-04:00

(the picture isn't great, but the baby now has arms and legs)

We had our NT (Nuchal Fold Test) yesterday. It is a test where they measure the fluid on the back of the baby's neck and are able to determine your chances of having Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, or Congential Heart Defects. They combine the Ultrasound and Bloodwork together to estimate your chances. We will not get the results for about a week, but the Doctor said that the ultrasound was in the "normal" range. Plus it was a good excuse to see the baby again.

The baby was moving all around--it finally looks like a baby--with arms, legs now. I guess for so long the baby just sort of looked like a blob, it is hard to think that in just 2 weeks the baby went from a blob to a baby! It's heartrate is very strong: 175 bpm and the baby is measuring exactly 11 weeks 4 days!

Now onto the OB

2009-06-19T10:09:00.004-04:00

We had our very first OB appointment yesterday and it went very well. The baby looks good and is measuring 8weeks 4 days....so our due date is for sure Jan. 22. I was secretly hoping that it would go back to Jan. 18th, but oh well--so I am officially 9 weeks today. The baby is definitely growing and finally beginning to look like an actual baby--the head is bigger than the body (but it still sort of looks like a blob). It's heartbeat is 170, so it is doing great and growing. It is great to finally be in the Normal category. We have decided to do the Nuchal Fold Test at 12 weeks, which will be another great excuse to get to see the baby!

(You can kind of see the head to the left and the body--it should get arms and legs in the next week!)

I am starting to feel so much better--the morning sickness now just comes in waves throughout the day, but it is much easier! My OB said that all those progesterone shots probably made the morning sickness worse for me, because I was getting more hormones than a "normal" pregnancy. So all you IVF-ers, the morning sickness gets better!

A Little Behind

2009-06-05T11:45:00.007-04:00

(The Baby is in the middle (White Blob) of the Black Bean (gestational sac) in the picture above)

We had our 7.5 week ultrasound this morning with our RE. The baby has grown big time over the last week however, the baby is still measuring about 4-5 days behind. The RE didn't seem concerned since the baby has grown the right amount in the past week and it's heart is pumping away at 123 bpm.

We are a little nervous and have some anxiety as you might imagine, but we are going to refrain from Googling anything. The RE did not seem alarmed, just that the baby probably implanted much later. So, today I am officially 7 weeks again, and our new due date is January 22, 2010 (the same birthday as Ivan the Great).

Is There A Cure?

2009-06-04T17:15:00.004-04:00

First the nausea started, about 3 weeks ago....and now the vomiting has started. This past week I have been throwing up on and off all week, and the nausea is just non-stop--all day and well all night. I knew that this was part of being pregnant, I just never realized how bad it was going to be. I have called all my pregnant friends and relied on Google to help ease my symptoms:

1) Eating 5 small meals a day--I am trying my best to never let my stomach get empty, but eating is definitely a chore right now. I can't imagine how bad I would feel if I didn't eat because eating doesn't seem to be a quick fix.

2) Eat a High Protein Diet--umm...really...this doesn't work; I need my carbs.

3) Ginger Chews/Ginger Gum--Helps for about an hour, which at this point I will welcome all the relief I can get.

4) Preggy Pops--Hate them. Enough said.

5) SEA BANDS--so far these over the counter accupunture bands seem to be helping, they have lessened the intensity of the nausea, so at least now I can function.

6) B6--hoping to get some direction from the doctor tomorrow, so that I can start taking it.

I hate feeling sick all the time, but I know that this will soon pass and in a weird sort of way it is a nice constant reminder that my baby is growing!

One Little Pumpkin Seed

2009-05-29T21:48:00.001-04:00

Today was the Big Day! We had our first OB ultrasound ( I am 6.5 weeks today) which revealed ONE little Pumpkin Seed with a Heartbeat! We are so excited. We were both very relieved (especially Mr. B) when the RE said...."Yep, there is only one."

(the little white bean is the baby, the black circle is the gestational sac)

As you can see from the picture, it is tiny and the baby was measuring 6weeks exactly (plus or minus 2 days); the RE said that was great that these ultrasounds are not an exact science. So, everything looks good and the RE did not seem concerned that the baby is a little behind. We are scheduled to go back next week for our last ultrasound with our fertility clinic and then we will graduate to the OB--we never thought this day would get here!

One or Two

2009-05-14T21:01:00.010-04:00

We have no clue whether we are having one or two and frankly it depends on the moment as to what I think. I don't really have a gut feeling...and if I do I can't tell what is my gut and what is my rationale. My numbers from the 2nd Beta are really good, but unfortunately it is not a good indicator of whether we are having one or two. We are on the borderline for either. I was really happy with my numbers because I know now that the baby(ies) are growing, growing, growing.

Here are my Results:
11dp3dt HCG: 65 (tuesday)
13dp3dt HCG: 159 (today)

The HCG is supposed to double every 48-72 hours right now and mine more than doubled in 48!

All the charts that I could find online give a range of HCG Numbers, here are the ranges below for a singleton and twins.....you decide. Hope this makes a bit more sense.

Singleton Range

11dp3dt HCG Range: 17-119; Average 48

13dp3dt HCG Range: 33-223; Average 95

Twins Range

11dp3dt HCG Range: 56-313; Average 68

13dp3dt HCG Range: 112-803, Average 146

We will be happy either way (one or two), we are just thankful to be pregnant! I guess we will just have to wait until May 29th for our first ultrasound.

It's Official...

2009-05-12T18:29:00.000-04:00

Yes, it is official--I am pregnant.

11dp3dt HCG: 65
Progesterone: 45

We are very excited, however we had a sneaking suspicion that I was pregnant. Last Thursday (6dp3dt) I started POAS (peeing-on-a-stick). I just couldn't resist and I thought I was pregnant: my boobs hurt to the point I was sleeping in a sports bra (and I still am), I had twinges and slight cramps, I sometimes felt queasy, and I was tired--but all the symptoms could be attributed to the Progesterone Injections. I was simply driving myself nuts and I am very impatient, I just wanted to know.

But Thursday my Test came up Negative! I was devastated to say the least, I tried to search for a hint of a line but couldn't find anything. I decided that day that I was going to need to prepare myself---I had not ever considered that this wouldn't work. I mean I always thought I would be apart of the 60% success rate (not on the other side). So, I cried and cried that night to my husband and we agreed to begin looking into adoption or waiting a few months until I was ready to do IVF again. I can't tell you how much of a basket case I was....and my poor husband just kept telling me, "it is too early to know for sure". But I was convinced that it didn't work, well until Saturday morning.

So Saturday (8dp3dt), after swearing off the Sticks....I decided to dive in again. I POAS first thing and let the test sit for the full 3 minutes before looking at the result. I picked up the test and it was negative but...if I tilted the pregnancy test this way it may be a line right? Maybe...very very faint line but maybe a line. I called in reinforcements...Mr. B! He looked and said, "I don't see anything...well maybe I see something." Call me crazy, we have all been there...haven't we? Turning and Tilting the stick in the light....but on Saturday hope began to creep back in! Maybe this would actually work--so the googling images of Pee Sticks began.

Sunday morning (9dp3dt), Mother's Day, I woke up at 7am (earlier than I get up during the week) and I POAS again...and the line well there was a faint but definite line making the Plus sign. We were so excited, what a wonderful Mother's Day Gift, Mr. B and I just kept looking at each other....is this really happening...we really could be pregnant! We were still very optimistic but at the same time we were unwilling to completely let ourselves believe until we got the results today.

We got the official verdict today when the RE called to congratulate me! We are so delighted and we have a good solid number. I will go back to the RE on Thursday for more Blood work to make sure the number is doubling (it should double every 48-72 hours). So we will pray for good numbers on Thursday.

...Grow Baby(ies) Grow....

Today is the Day

2009-05-12T09:15:00.001-04:00

Today is the Day that I will find out my Beta (aka....if I am officially pregnant). I got my blood work done this morning at 8am and now I am just waiting for the nurse to call. It will be late this afternoon before I will know anything....so we will all just have to be patient and wait. The nurse thought that I would know something by 4pm. I will update everyone as soon as I know something!

One in the Freezer

2009-05-08T10:21:00.003-04:00

Yes that is right, I got a letter for our RE yesterday and we have ONE in the Freezer! We didn't think that we would have any (since there quality wasn't good) but ONE made it to a Blastocyst.

And knowing that one of them made it in the lab has given me hope that my em-babies are just cooking away in my uterus.

Can We Just Fast Forward?

2009-05-07T09:52:00.002-04:00

So, today is 6dp3dt! For those new to the fertility lingo, 6dp3dt stands for 6 days past 3 day transfer. I have now survived 6 days of waiting that have gone by rather quickly...well until yesterday! Now the days are starting to creep by....can we just fast forward our lives until Tuesday? Please!?!

Attach Babies Attach

2009-05-01T16:50:00.000-04:00

(Our very own Em-Babies Above)

Our Em-babies are Back home with me, safe and sound and we are very excited!

The Embryologist said our em-babies are grade zero (the best)! (The clinic grades 0-4 with zero being the best.) As you can see one of the embryos is perfect 8-celled embryo...just like the textbook. The other one is still 8-celled but has some slight fragmentation, however never discount the underdog! We have 4 other embryos left but they are graded as follows: 1, 1.5, 2, 2; so we are not sure if any will survive to the freeze. They wanted to have them grow until Sunday or Monday to make sure the embryos would be viable. The Embryologist thought we may have 1 to freeze.

The actual transfer was quite uneventful, very easy and quick and it is a piece of cake compared to everything else. Mr. B & I got all suited up in our scrubs and went into the transfer room, within minutes the RE and nurse came in and before we knew it the em-babies were back inside of me. The RE said that my lining looked perfect. The only uncomfortable part was having such a full bladder for so long and then the Nurse pressing down right on your bladder to get the ultrasound...miserable! We stayed in the transfer room for another 15 minutes, with the lights dimmed (I guess it was mood lighting), but it was nice to relax and soak in what just happened.

Now I am back home and resting and my wonderful husband already framed the Em-babies and now I can stare at them all day long. I just can't keep my eyes off of them! I can't believe that it will be 38 weeks until I see them again (hopefully).

Thanks to everyone for the good wishes and prayers, and to those who supplied us with meals...thank you so much! We are so blessed to have such wonderful family & friends, you all are near and dear to our hearts. And most of all thank you to Mr. B--he has been so wonderful and supportive these past two weeks, but especially this week. I think we are closer now than we have ever been before.

I am going to lay low this weekend and get lots of bed rest so my Em-babies will grow & attach.

Attach Babies Attach!

Transfer Time

2009-05-01T08:29:00.002-04:00

The Embryologist called today and told us that we have 6 embryos still around and growing but that the quality is not looking good, they are starting to fragment, so we can't wait until Sunday.

So, we will be getting 2 em-babies back today at 10:30am. We are excited to get them back!

Nine & Growing

2009-04-29T14:40:00.003-04:00

They were able to preform ICSI on 12 out of the 15 eggs (3 were not mature) and......

9 Fertilized and are Growing

They will not give me an update tomorrow because they keep them in the incubator to grow grow grow. The Embryologist said that they would consider this IVF cycle a success if they got 4-5 embryos growing by Friday. We will not know until Friday morning whether the transfer will be Friday or Sunday.

I have to say that it is very wierd to have life out there that consists of us (my husband and I) and yet we have no control. I will be very glad to get my little em-babies back!

Never an Easy Road to Recovery

2009-04-29T11:44:00.004-04:00

It is never easy....Recovery that is! Yesterday after the surgery I came home, stayed in bed--drugged up--and slept on and off all afternoon. I was having a hard time peeing (yes you heard that right) and thought I was dehydrated, so I loaded up on fluids. About 8 Gatorades and 2 Sprite's later I had to pee (mind you this was midnight but now). So, I spent the next hour trying to pee and could not get any to come out. So, after a call to the RE-on-call that night, I was instructed to head straight to the Emergency Room to get a catheter so my bladder wouldn't rupture!

My husband and I quickly loaded up and flew down the road to the ER, driving about 90 miles an hour. The ER was waiting for me and quickly put a catheter in me and my bladder drained 1.3 liters of fluid right away! I told you I had to PEE! Apparently urination restriction (not being able to pee) is a side effect of the anesthesia but this effects very few people! So, my husband and I spent the duration of the night in our local Emergency Room, we were discharged...catheter and all at 5am. I went to my REI and got the catheter out this morning around 8am and since then I have peed 3 times at home....so I am definitely turning the corner!

I am at home again today in bed, sleeping and resting--I should be on a normal road to recovery now, well keep your fingers crossed!

Retrieval Day

2009-04-28T20:08:00.005-04:00

My Embryo Retrieval went well today. It was a pretty uneventful surgery and I haven't had any nausea or anything. I have been in some pain but I know it will get better, thank god for Vicodin and my wonderful husband. He has been so attentive and such a rock star...I couldn't have gone through any of this without him. He has been right by my side all day, well this entire IVF process. Every night he would sit by my side and watch the injections, and now today he was so supportive and tending to my every need, I couldn't ask for a better husband!
(Yes my husband snapped a picture of me after the ER.)

And now on to the fun news, they got 15 eggs, they are fertilizing them today and we will get an update tomorrow as to how many survived. All I keep thinking about is how today is the day of conception; I hope that my eggs fertilize and continue to grow and divide.

Trigger Time

2009-04-26T18:00:00.001-04:00

I have 12 potential follicles with mature eggs (all 12 are over 18mm). My Estrogen (E2) is 1522.9 and my Uterine Lining was 11.8mm. So, I am ready to go. Just in case you are curious:

L: 18, 22, 21, 18, 20, 21, 20 & several around 15
R: 18, 15, 19, 18, 18, 17.5, 14, 13

I will trigger tonight thirty minutes past midnight and have the Retrieval on Tuesday at 12:30pm.

18 Cooking Away

2009-04-25T11:02:00.008-04:00

I went to the RE this morning and I have 18 follicles cooking away. I have several that are already mature and several that are on the cusp of being mature. So, one more night of stims and then back to the RE for an ultrasound tomorrow morning. My Uterine lining is 6.8mm so it is getting nice and thick, it should be around 8mm on Tuesday. Also my Estrogen (E2) is 1481.6.
My RE thought that I will most likely trigger tomorrow night (Sunday) and have my Embryo Retrieval on Tuesday!

Left: 18, 18, 17, 16.5, 15, 14 & 4 smaller ones under 9
Right: 16, 15, 14, 14, 12, 11 & 2 smaller ones under 9

The smaller ones most likely will not catch up. According to my RE the follicles measuring 18mm are mature and anything over 15mm has a chance of being mature. So I will stim for one more night in hopes that the 15 & 16's will catch up.

And Now There Are Two

2009-04-24T20:34:00.006-04:00

The Good Old Stims (above)

Ganirelix--And Now there are Two!

That is right, I am now taking 2 big injections. Just when I thought I had gotten one down....they add another one! I started Ganirelix tonight, an antagon injection that will prevent my ovaries from ovulating too soon, which will allow all my follicles to grow, grow, grow! I will continue both injections for the next few nights--Hopefully my ER is right around the corner.

Grow Follies Grow

2009-04-22T17:00:00.001-04:00

I had an appointment with the RE this morning. I didn't get any specific measurements of my follies. I was too asleep to think to ask about the exact size of them all. But they called this afternoon and told me that I had 12 cooking away and several smaller ones that may catch up. Last night the ovarian twinges began, I can definitely feel my ovaries and no wonder with 12+ in there. I have read so many blogs about people having 20 follicles and I admit I thought I would have a ton, but 12 will be plenty. I would rather have big, mature follicles than a bunch of little ones.

(For those of you who are new to the fertility world, follicles is the term used for eggs before they are mature. Follicles that are around 18mm will have a good chance of being mature and can thus be fertilized. I don't have any follies close to 18 yet, I think they are closer to 10 or so at this point, but again I didn't ask.)

Other news, my Uterine Lining is around 5mm, so it is getting nice and thick. (The Uterine Lining will thicken up to 8mm-12mm...about 1mm or so a day. So, I am right on track.) Also my Estrogen (E2) was 431.9! Also, the RE thought that based on everything I would have my Embryo Retrieval on Tuesday or Wednesday--so one week away, but I should know the exact dates this weekend. I will go back to the RE for another Ultrasound & Bloodwork on Saturday, and until then all I have to say is .....grow follies grow!

Fourth Times the Charm

2009-04-21T20:00:00.005-04:00

Fourth times the charm....well maybe not, but I am getting better at the shots. I am getting faster. I have gotten to the point where I only have to count to 3...not 4, 5, or 6. So, it is getting easier but 7:00pm is still the dreaded hour of the day.

My new shot routine has thrown off my normal routine. I usually come home from work, run errands, go for a run (these days a walk) with the dog, fix dinner and eat around 7. Now with my shot routine, I have to be home by 6 to take the medicine out of the refrigerator (note: never take the shot when it is cold) for an hour, then take the shot, fix dinner, and then eat around 7:30 or so (I am lucky to get in a quick walk before the shot). This would be great except for the fact that the shots make me nauseous, so I end up barely eating dinner. At first I thought that it was nerves and anxiety about giving myself injections, then I noticed that I was nauseous on and off all day long. So, I think that this nausea is a side effect to all the hormones they are pumping into my body. The comforting part is that all of this (nausea & injections) are for a great cause!

My Nightly Cocktail

2009-04-18T23:00:00.000-04:00

I have officially traded in my nightly glass of white for some hormone injections. Tonight marks my first night of injections for the next 4-6 weeks. I will be on Stims (specifically 200 IU of Follistim) nightly until my Embryo Retrieval.

The injections are nicely packaged in a pen and a nifty carrying case. Who knew injections could be so stylish.

(The pen is at the top, underneath are needles, and then the information at the bottom.)

I have always had a lot of anxiety surrounding needles of any kind. When I was younger I used to completely pass out at the doctors office at the mention of a shot. I can't believe that I am now giving them to myself. The actual shot wasn't terrible as the needle is very small. I will admit that while the needle is tiny, yes, you can still feel it! All those people that say "it doesn't hurt", well they are wrong.!

Here are a few pictures:

(The Shot)

(Enough Said)

Thank God It's Over......well for tonight.

New Morning Routine

2009-04-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

This morning came bright and early, as I had to wake up an hour earlier to get to the clinic for my Baseline Ultrasound & Bloodwork. (Not the most fun, first thing in the morning, and may I remind you that I am not the best morning person.) For those of you not apart of the Fertility world...picture getting up early to wait in a waiting room, with about 40 other woman all there for the same thing. They rotate you into the "stirrup room"(by now I am a pro) do a vaginal ultrasound and then off to get bloodwork! My new Monday routine is going to become familiar, as this will be my way of life a few times a week for the next 4 weeks (longer if I am pregnant).

I have had to be in stirrups so much over the past year, I no longer worry or even have anxiety. I remember when I used to stress over going to the GYN, I always made sure that I was proberly waxed...thinking that the GYN would have an opinion on my woo-ha! Believe me, they don't! They see so many that I don't think they think anything about it! And, who has time to be up to date down there with so many doctor's appointments. However, I am going to treat myself to a Bikini wax before my ER/ET (but this time it will be for me and no one else)!

****The clinic called me around 4pm this afternoon with results from my appointment this morning. My E2 (Estrogen) level was 31.5 and my ultrasound looked normal, so everything is good to go. I will take my last BCP tomorrow!****

Meds Arrived

2009-04-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

I waited and waited all day, well until 1pm for my meds to arrive! I had to get them shipped to my Mother-In-Law's house because we were there for the long weekend, and the mail order pharmacy insisted that I had to get them by April 15 (to start on April 18). I didn't want to send them to work because they have no clue that I am doing IVF . So, that left me waiting on Friday for the good old FedEx truck to arrive.

I was very excited to recieve all my meds and I realized that IVF has finally begun. I really am on my way and there is no turning back now.

For those of you who are curious all of my meds are below.

I was shocked about the number of meds in general. I was prepared for the bag full of needles but not all the meds, Z-pack, Vicodin, Aspirn etc.... I will be one medicated person! So, watch out-my hormones may be out of control for the next few weeks!

IVF/ICSI Calendar

2009-04-09T20:00:00.000-04:00

We got our IVF calendar today! It is very exciting but also very real, all those shots and appointments. I will be a very busy girl for the next month!

April 13-Baseline Ultrasound & Bloodwork
April 14-Last BCP
April 18-Start Stims
April 22-Ultrasound & Bloodwork
ER will depend on my response but will be during the week of April 27-30
ET will be 3-5 days after ER
Tentative Beta will be May 13

I will update my calendar as I get closer and have a better idea of the dates. I can't believe that in a little over 1 month I will be preggo (or could be)! How exciting!

Waiting, Waiting & more Waiting

2009-04-08T20:41:00.000-04:00

I have become a very patient person over the past 2 years, all I do is Wait! Waiting to get my period so I can start a new cycle, the dreaded two week wait (2ww), waiting for ovulation, waiting to start taking meds, waiting to stop meds, waiting to pee on a stick; waiting, waiting and more waiting.
Now that I am starting IVF I feel that the waiting is starting to drive me crazy. I don't want to plan anything because what if that is my ER (embryo retrieval)/ET (embryo transfer) will be that day/week. My life is in a holding pattern.
My friends email me asking to go to lunch, run in a race, go get a pedicure and all I can do is wait until I get my IVF calendar to respond. So, frustrating because I can't fully commit to anything and I can't do anything about it but wait.
I am much better with action tasks...give me something and I will figure it out, solve it, fix it, mend it and then I can check it off my list. I am an accomplish-er/doer; so waiting, especially waiting for the unknown is not my strongest skill. I have honed my waiting skill, but it still drives me crazy--especially when I feel like I can't schedule or cross anything off my list! (A little OCD, I know.) I have read that people learn a lot about themselves and their marriage during the infertility roller coaster. The biggest thing I will learn--patience, which will come in might handy when I am a mom!
Tomorrow is my Nurse Orientation/Consultation and I will receive my IVF calendar and I will be done with waiting to "start" my cycle. (Check.) Hopefully I will have a better idea of when I will start my shots, the week the ER/ET will happen, and the week of my Beta/Betas. So, for the next month I can think of my life as one big wait; just waiting to cross the next step off my list and becomming one step closer to being a mom!

Off to the Races

2009-03-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

Sunday was my official start of Birth Control Pills! I can't believe I am back here again taking Birth Control Pills, it seems so ironic! However, I have happily set a daily alarm on my phone to remind me and I will happily welcome them back into my life! So, we are finally beginning our IVF cycle!

Decisions Decisions Decisions...

2009-03-23T15:21:00.000-04:00

We have finally made our decision! We are going to go with a private clinic. It is not the place we have been going (we were at a University Hospital), but the new clinic will be more convenient for me and well they do a few more IVF cycles in a year and have slightly better stats. However, they are still very very conservative....so there will not be a crazy amount of babies for this lady. I will start BCP's on this Sunday and then we will go for our Nursing Orientation on April 9th.
It is such a relief to have made a decision and we are confident in it. I have been very excited the past few days, we are moving forward, and that in and of itself is exciting.

Light At the End of the Tunnel

2009-03-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

First off, let me say that I am not that religious. Well, I grew up going to church was married in a church and generally believe in Christianity but I only manage to make it to church on the major holidays. I came across this quote a few months ago and it has given me a source of strength:

God is faithful and he will not let you be tested
beyond your strength, but with the testing he
will also provide the way out so that you may
be able to endure it. -Corinthians 10.13

It has in many ways been my strength, I know that I can endure this....heck I have endured much worse in my short lifetime. I also know that God does in some way provide a way to make it through the tough times. I am finally beginning to see a light at the end of this infertility tunnel! I will begin IVF process in the next week or so, I think the end of infertility is in sight!

Questions, Questions, and More Questions.....

2009-03-18T13:28:00.001-04:00

I have been busy researching and reading books and "interviewing" clinics....which has led me to ask a lot of questions....

Day 3 vs. Day 5?
Transfer 1 or 2?
Lupron vs. BCP protocol?
Which clinic to pick? The one with higher success rates or the one we have been with and are more comfortable?
Should the location/convenience factor of the Clinic be a part of the equation?
What would my IVF Calendar look like?
Should we look into Acupuncture?

I am not sure that there is a right or wrong answer. I have a lot of questions that I need to answer! I just more than anything don't want to have any regrets, whatever the outcome!

Official Verdict Is In.....IVF/ICSI

2009-03-14T13:45:00.000-04:00

It is official. Our only option to conceive a biological child is: IVF with ICSI. For the past month, we have suspected that this would be the verdict but now it is official. This news in some ways is a relief, we get to bypass IUI attemps...so in a way we are closer to having a child. We feel so blessed that we are in a technological age that will offer us this opportunity. I think that 20 years ago, we wouldn't have this option! It is true that God provides....my husband and I have been "banking" money in hopes to buy a used car for cash. Well I will be sporting the same old car for quite a while but we can pay for our IVF treatments, so we truly are blessed.
However, I have been very nervous and anxious about Egg Retrival, the Shots, whether to transfer on Day 3 or Day 5, how many to transfer: 1 or 2, will it be so terrible I won't want to do it again? So many questions have been running through my head and it all sums up to the fact that this is uncharted territory, aka the unkown.

It's a No-Go Once Again

2009-02-16T09:58:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday we got up and got ready for our IUI. But just like last time, it was canceled due to my husband's low volume. A different REI doctor delivered us the news...he produced 3 million, which is an improvement from 500,000, but it simply isn't enough to do an IUI. Although she did refer us to a Urologist, who we saw on Thursday morning and we loved. He specializes in Male Infertility....who knew! He was wonderful and he couldn't believe that they had not sent us to see him before. (My poor husband has had 5 S/A's and they always tell us there is nothing that they can do for his low volume....but apparently, according to our Urologist there is, or could be!) So, we are in the process of testing my husband and hopefully it is something simple that they will be able to fix right away. Here is to hoping anyway!
I am more than frustrated that our REI doctor let us get 6 months down the road of testing and 2 months of trying IUI's that didn't work and never once thought that we should look at my husband more closely. So, needless to say, we are in hunt for a new REI doctor.

Waiting to O

2009-02-09T14:41:00.000-05:00

I am just waiting until the Ovulation Stick turns to Positive...just waiting to O!

Starting Over Again

2009-01-29T14:44:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is that time again when the dreaded but awaited period arrives. Yesterday, technically it started. So, we are back to square one, I will start my clomid on Friday and then we will atempt to do IUI again this month...hopefully all the vitamins we are taking will help us!

Yep--Starting Over Again....

2 Week Wait, Wait!--What I am Waiting For?

2009-01-26T19:48:00.000-05:00

It is amazing that even though we had a busted IUI that I still think that I could be pregnant. Why does your mind program you to think this way? I am in the midst of another 2 week wait. No, we didn't get to have our IUI, but we still tried the "a la natural" way. According to the doctor my husband doesn't have enough sperm to do an IUI so I know there is no conceivable way that we are pregnant yet I have managed to trick myself into thinking I am. I have sore breasts (check, maybe prego). I was completely exhausted all weekend (yes, defiently could be prenancy symptom). Mind you it has nothing to do with the fact that for the past two weeks we ran around. I have a headache...must be the hormones (it has nothing to do with the fact that I spent all morning at the dentist).
So, with my misterious sounding pregnancy symptoms that could be the result of PMS, I find myself counting down the days until a pregnancy test will work. And still when it comes up negative, I will convince myself that the statistics aren't 100% accurrate until after I miss my period. Why is it that I convince myself that I could be pregnant until my expected period arrives?

Busted IUI

2009-01-16T16:59:00.000-05:00

It is always darkest right before dawn....so how much darker is it going to get?

I took the entire day off of work yesterday, fully prepared to do my IUI and then spend the day resting at home. We got to the hospital around 9am for my husband to do his part in the andrology lab. He came out of the lab and looked at me, saying "There might be a problem." My heart sank, what kind of problem. He said, "Not sure about the volume, not sure it is enough. But if there is a problem they will send the attending out to talk to us." So, we waited and waited, walked around the hospital and waited. Then 11am rolled around, time for the IUI! We looked at each other and got excited-this is it, I bet we are going to be able to do it! At 11:03 the doctor came out and waived us back, but instead of taking us the exam room we were escorted into her office.
She proceeded to tell us the my husband only produced 500,000 sperm; much lower than before (his sample he produced 10 million). That they don't know why the numbers would have changed so much...there is nothing we can do about it, but they will not do the IUI this month. 500,000 simply isn't enough sperm to proceed with the procedure. We were devastated; but no wonder we can't get pregnant!
What more can you say, other than this roller coaster ride of infertility, isn't easy. Even the littlest things seem hard to accomplish (like IUI). We are going to try IUI again next month and pray that this was a fluke month for my husband.

Tomorrow is the Big Day

2009-01-14T18:41:00.000-05:00

We decided over Christmas, that this year, 2009 will be our year. It will be our year to grow our family. We both have a very good feeling about this year. That being said we decided to start with IUI this month (Jan.) I started Clomid and took it all last week. I think I got every symptom in the book: you name it, I got it. From dizziness to nausea to hot flashes and irritability. I had everything! My boss kept asking me last week: "What is wrong, you seem different?" I wanted to scream, I have more hormones in my body that I can handle! Everytime I want to open my mouth and talk I am afraid that I am going to cry...for no reason at all! After I was done taking the pills the moodiness got better but the hot flashes started. I would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat, and may I tell you our house is quite cold at night.
In all this mess of taking pills, I started nesting. I cleaned everything in my house. I cleaned out our spare bedroom that will be the nursery, I threw out or gave everything away. I don't need the stuff and I would much rather make room for a baby. My husband, after a few days even jumped on board. We are thinking so positively about this month---I just have this gut feeling that the IUI is going to work for us! I sure hope that feeling is right!
I started this week, Sunday, waking up and counting down the days until Tuesday, which we were scheduled for our Ultrasound to check on the follicles. Tuesday morning arrived and we got up bright and early and went to the doctor at 7:30am to get the Ultrasound. My uterine lining looked great and thick and I have two dominant follicles (one on each side) measuring 16 and 17 respectively. Of course I have no clue what the measurements mean, but I do know we can do the IUI cycle now this month. I just starred at the ultrasound screen looking at my follicles and just secretly telling them to turn into a baby and praying that I was seeing my baby even before it was concieved. I left the doctor completely on cloud nine and was ready to call and tell the whole world about my good news. But the idea of waiting and testing for ovulation sunk in, I realized that this month was going to be a long few weeks of just waiting.
I tested yesterday, this morning and nothing and then I tested tonight after work and my LH surge has occurred! So, tomorrow is the day; we will head into the hospital at 9:00am for the big show. I can't believe this is it...I sure hope it takes!

Lost X-mas Spirit

2008-12-18T21:15:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year again, when we all get into the Holiday Spirit! Christmas is a week away and the buzz of the holiday is all around, so where is my Christmas spirit?

It all started with deciding on our Christmas Card a few weeks ago. What are we going to say about our lives over the past year? .....Um....that we are facing another holiday without a child in sight, that we are over our head with fertility crap and deciding what to do. So we skipped the little paragraph about our year and just wished everyone a Happy Holiday. Lame I know!
But the Christmas Card got me thinking, I have accomplished a lot this past year, none of which seem to matter. All I can think about is how much fun it would be to have Christmas with a baby, or a toddler....making cookies, playing Santa, shopping for all those cute toys. I just can't seem to quite get into the Christmas Spirit.

More than anything I am dreading the Holiday with our family. The dreaded "How are you?". Well I am great....except that I am stressed out and not sleeping because I can't seem to acquire the double pink line each month....how are you? Everyone will ask me about my job, in which I enjoy but I feel as though I am becoming an accidental career person. I mean I never planned on having a big career, my big plan was to settle down and be a soccer mom!

Well I am going to try and put on my christmas hat and bake cookies this weekend, finish my christmas shopping and cheer myselft up....

About Me

2008-12-17T22:41:00.003-05:00

I am starting this blog well into my journey of trying to become a mother. But first, here is a little bit about me. I met my husband (Mr. B) over 10 years ago in high school, however, we were just friends and were interested in other people. We left high school and we went to college almost 2000 miles apart, but we were able to touch base via email and the great invention of AIM. After college we both found ourselves back in the same town, he was awaiting to start law school and I was trying to figure my life out. We started dating immediately and got married two and a half years later. Once we got married I was anxious to start a family, I guess I got the so-called mommy bug. So, on our honeymoon we agreed to wait six months or so, my husband wanted to at least get through law school. So in June 2007 I went off the BCP. We were not officially charting or even timing, we were very optimistic in thinking that we would get pregnant right off the batt. I just knew that I was going to be that girl that got off the pill and got pregnant. I just knew that we were never going to need any help. So, six months went by and I began charting and timing ovulation; and I was reluctant to ask anyone for help. This past June, one year later, I start wondering if something was wrong. So, I bought ovulation sticks, fertility monitors, and took matters into my own hands; and still months later...Nothing. After speaking with my physician I was referred to an REI. For most of September I went through the works of the horrifying Tests...it truly is cruel. At the end of all of our tests they determined that I have a heart shaped uterus, however not significant enough to need surgery and I will be able to carry a pregnancy, also I don't ovulate regularly and now have ovarian cysts most months when I do ovulate and we suffer from Male Factor Infertility. So, all that combined we have a 3-4% chance of concieving normally. We are young, only 27, and have many options. We are sorting through what steps to take to grow our much wanted family.